3.13b Read the feedback.

Just like the review I did, my reviewers were asked to comment on my writing under the headings of three questions.

My first review :

How was the central character portrayed and was this portrayal clear and interesting?

The central character is a young boy on his 9th birthday, full of the excitement of getting a year older, and 'becoming a man'. It shows his belief that he was now too old to believe in childish things, and wanted his birthday wish to show his maturity, even though there are still childish elements, such as wishing for an iced birthday cake.

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I love that the reviewer picked up on the iced cake, and understood the relevance. I was concerned it might have been too subtle but this is encouraging.

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What made you think this piece was a story and did you want to read on?

It made me want to see how his 'maturity' evolved, or whether the excitement of his birthday, once it was over, would see him return to his innocence.

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I have no definite plans where this might go, but the idea of trying to progress his maturity whilst maintaining something of his innocence sounds like an interesting challenge!

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What were the most, and least, successful aspects of the writing?

Excellent description of the scene, and the insights of the central character. Left me questioning when and where the scene was set - and the genre, but that is just me.

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Fair points. A consequence of me not knowing where it is going means it does suffer from a lack of identity. A very true point. If I extended it, and established what sort of story it is then I would definitely have to come back to edit and make this opening section more defined in it's direction and genre. 

Second Review :

How was the central character portrayed and was this portrayal clear and interesting?

A charming character. The picture of a boy on the brink of manhood (in his time and place) really worked for me from the psychological pov, but I find I haven't developed a picture of him in my mind.

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This brings up an interesting and almost controversial point around character descriptions. This course is big on them, but the more I read the more I see the same comments from people appearing. Unless you get your description in very early you run the risk of shattering someone's own view of a character and that upsets them. However, here it seems I'm failing to get an image in. Maybe something as simple as mentioning a hair colour might be enough. Very pleased about the psychological part though. Getting into the head of a 9 year old is tricky.

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What made you think this piece was a story and did you want to read on?

The hints that this is another time and another place, and the growth to adulthood of the boy are themes that leave a lot of room for developing an interesting and absorbing story. One I would be happy to read.

What were the most, and least, successful aspects of the writing?

An original idea. So many things hinted at, but not quite enough to pin down. A time when children had to grow up fast? A hint of Ireland in the speech? Magicians, and yet cities and birthday cake/'Happy Birthday'. Interesting, but a bit confusing.

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Nice - this matches and expands upon the first comment very well. Yes, the lack of identity is a problem. Something to pin down very quickly if/when I continue this piece. 

Interesting that both pick up on the idea of children growing up fast. Not anything I'd intended. He's not a man yet, he just thinks he is, in the way children often do. I recall myself as I approached 'double digits' in age I felt very grown up. But maybe it could be a thing? Perhaps in this world children are considered adults from 10 or 11. Something to think about.

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As well as those two official comments I also received a very nice comment on the blog entry itself from Madeline at the Facebook group, and Gill once again set about the piece to offer great technical comments for me to think about and amend. I'm not sure if we are to redraft this in week 4 or 5, but I'll take those into account too if we do.


An eventful end to Week 3.


I'll see you next week!


Happy Writing :-)