Hey,
So I submitted my story, and whilst I *cough* calmly await returns I've submitted three reviews to others.
Sadly the website swallows the story and review into itself, so here is story number 3 which I still have my notes for!
This is written by Sue Reid
The old lady stared at her knitting and looked up. There was despair in her face as she said, 'I've just spotted a mistake ... here.' She stabbed with her finger part way down, nearer the beginning than the point she'd reached.
I looked at the spot and could just about see where the intricate lace pattern had gone slightly astray.
'Oh dear, what a shame. What are you going to do?'
She shrugged and stared at the offending piece.
'It's for my great granddaughter to wrap round her baby, when she brings him home from hospital.'
'Will she notice such a very small mistake?'
Another shrug, just as hopeless. 'But I'd know wouldn't I, I'd know it was there.'
There was nothing much more to say, it was a decision she alone had to make I suppose and nothing I'd say would make any ultimate difference.
Suddenly she looked up, clear blue eyes fixing themselves on my face.
'Say, my dear, isn't it a bit like life? If you could mend a mistake would you do it? Or would you pretend it hadn't happened and hope no one notices?'
I paused, uncertain how to answer. At last, as her eyes hadn't left my face, I said, 'I suppose I'd like to think I'd right the wrong. If I could.'
She gave one brief nod and pulled the stitches from the needle.
~
How was the central character portrayed and was this portrayal clear and interesting?
Assuming the old lady is the main character and not the character whose head we're in, then she comes across as emotional, but stolid in the end. Despite being in another character's head you clearly demonstrate the old lady's thinking process as she moves through the problem. From observation, to discovery, to repercussions, to options and finally a well argued decision. Very neatly done.
I will mention a quick think in this section though -
The old lady stared at her knitting and looked up.
This makes it sound like she has two pairs of eyes - one to stare at her knitting and the other to look up. Two alternatives come to mind. She could perhaps 'sigh' or 'squint' at her knitting and look up, or just add in 'then' after and.
What made you think this piece was a story and did you want to read on?
Technically a story. We have a start - discovering the problem. A middle - possible solutions, and an end with the dramatic decision. Despite the relatively mundane topic of missing a knitting stitch I flowed through it effortlessly so there's something going on right!
What were the most, and least, successful aspects of the writing?
The most I think is the flow as mentioned. Nice language usage carries the reader so easily to the end. I suspect if it was about paint drying you'd still manage it somehow.
Word choice - like in the example I gave - can sometimes slip you up though. The dialogue in particular can sometimes sound a little wooden.
'Oh dear, what a shame. What are you going to do?'
My mind naturally gave this a kind of monotone voice - not helped by us never learning anything about the other character.
Finally I want to offer an alternative world view to the old lady's.
Would you rather waste half your life worrying about/fixing tiny problems that cause no harm, or instead get on living it!
~
As I discussed with the Facebook group for this course - I found the questions rather restrictive. They were clearly trying to keep us focused on specifics here, but I would have preferred just a blank canvas for adding the comment in rather than 3 separate boxes.
Always an interesting exercise, and especially intriguing seeing the wide variety of writing styles so clearly. It's also nice that finally people will be getting some feedback. For all those unlucky enough not to have had their work spotted in the thousands of comments on the site (or get their blog linked in the Open Uni blog! Woo!) this is a great opportunity.
Next - the reviews I received!
Happy Writing :-)
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